What is this I've done? I convince myself I'm an adult. That I have a right to my own oppinion. That I can run my own life. I laugh at my mom's directions. I say, "Yes, Ma'am" and then ignore her all together. God cares about me, why do I think I can make myself happier than He can? Why do I rebell??
Oh, God! I'm so sorry! Please forgive me! I'll confess everything to my mom. Please give her the grace to forgive me. Oh GOD!!! I can't believe how far I let myself go! Oh how I-- No. I won't say that. I'm glad you gave us choice. I'm glad you give us the chance to blow it. How would I know forgiveness and freedom otherwise? Please give met he courage to accually tell her. I want to tell her. But at the same time, I'm so ashamed!
Everybody always thinks I'm so honest and good. Nothing could be further from the truth. The only person I've been completely honest with is myself... and even then, I've lied and told myself this was okay. I have knowingly shushed the Holy Spirit, because I knew that later I would feel sorry and then I would repent and get forgiven! I mocked God and tried to win His game by cheating!!
Oh, Lord! Can You forgive me? I'm so so so sorry!!
I've got to get this out. I don't think anyone knows about this site, but if they read this, so be it. I've got to come clean!
My mom trusts me everyday to take care of her kids. I have my little brothers, Ryan and Timmy, to feed, clean up after, play with, ect. We also have a rule in our house that says no computer until the main areas are clean. When Mom and Dad are gone, and I'm home, I get on and play around, watch movies, talk to friends, listen to music, and then right before they come home, I sweep through and clean the house up so they'll never know.
Today I caught myself errasing the history to cover my tracks. If your reading this, please pray for me. I don't want to continue like this. This isn't life at all. I want peace and feedom again.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
*bows his head and prays* Dear Lord Jesus I know that Kaytie has probably sailed past this turbulent trial in her life and if so then I praise you for it. But Father if she's still strugling with rebellion in her heart I pray that you would free her from this sin and give her victory in her fight to crucify her flesh. I pray that she'll forgive herself and that you'll bless her for being so honest. Ps 51:17 The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit: a broken and a contrite heart, O God, thou wilt not despise.
Kaytie has a repentant heart and a passion to be near you Lord, I pray that you would wrap your loving arms around her tonight and envelope her with your peace. Put a hedge of protection over her and send your angels to encamp around her. Bless her for loving you in Jesus name I pray amen.
this note sounds a lot like the one I wrote, your words are soothing to me. The music you have here coupled with your words create something truely lovely. I don't think I would have been able to sleep tonight had you not shared this place with me, thank you.
Post a Comment