I just need to talk... This probably won't even make it to the internet... Or else I'll create a private site that only i can see... This isn't the kind of thing that you just broadcast to the world... But yet at the same time, everybody has problems, and we all need support. Or else we all just need the freedom to express ourselves.

I've been looking for jobs all day, and I have come to realize that I am specially trained and over qualified for a job that barely anybody wants. I sent off three good emails to people who might want to higher me as a babysitter or a preschool teacher's assistant.

I don't think anybody will respond to me though, since I have no written certification of any kind.

It makes me so angry because know more about children than any of the people who have "coached" me in the past. I listen to reports from people who took the college courses and have to stifle my laughter. It's clear to me that the loonies passing out certifications for these jobs, haven't even tried it for themselves!

I couldn't get the stupid piece of paper, because I was too busy actually DOING the job they say I'm not qualified for.

Kids love me. I've never gotten a bad result when I work with them. I can keep their attention in the classroom and in the home. I can get obedience in the kitchen or on the playground. I know quite a few tricks to keep them on their toes, and to stay in the lead.

The more I learn about kids, the more I see that they are plainly like horses.

When leading a horse from one place to the other, the horse tends to figure out where we're going very quickly. He starts walking faster and eventually starts to pass me. If I allow this, the horse will think he is alpha because he is in the lead. The solution to this is simple:
Change directions.
Even a quick turn in a small circle will put put you back in the front again, and the horse will learn to stay at your side, and to wait to see where you will take him next.

I find it is the same with children. So often as adults, we are too pleased with ourselves for knowing the way to do things. We like to do them the same way every time, just because it's safe, and secure. How often have you heard an elderly person say, "We've never done it that way." Just as if that was a perfectly good reason never to do it "that way" in the future either?
We tend to do this in the classroom as well. We figure out a teaching method, a routine, or anything that works well, and we think it always will.

Well, along comes the day when the children (who's young minds think quicker than ours do) figure out our patterns, and decide that they are going to find something better to do.

I don't know how many times I witnessed this happen to poor, unsuspecting teachers... It almost never ended well. The offending student was branded a trouble maker by the teacher, and a hero by his peers, and no substantial learning was accomplished.

If only the teacher had just changed directions. Stopped a moment to tell a joke, or ask a question, even bring attention to the lovely day out side and how much fun they'll have once their work was done. It would only have taken two minutes, and then they would have had fresh attention to give to the teacher again.

I've used that technique myself on numerous occasions, so I know it works! Classrooms that frazzled the real teacher, calmed down for me when I did stuff like that.

I want to do stuff with kids more than anything else! If Character First wasn't a volunteer organization, I would do it for a living! And I'd be GOOD. Those kids loved me. I still keep in contact with one of my girls, and It's been almost a year since I had to leave.

I feel like crying. Have you ever been so called to do something, it hurt? Oh what I'd give to have a craft to cut out before next wednesday! I'm afraid I've become one of those people who stare at little kids while they play and make the parents nervous. I just want to play too. *laughs a bit*

Do you know how long it would take for me to pay off that bill to GET that piece of paper?? That's an expensive piece of paper! I need a job to earn enough money to Get it, but no one will higher me till I have it.

Already since being here I taught two eleven year olds to ice skate. I just want to teach kids.

I remember the times we would get to go out to recess with them! It was so much fun! Never have I felt so popular! We had swarms of kids all around us. Just to play capture the flag!

They loved us! They called us "The Characters". We would walk up to the building and everyone on the play ground would line the fence just to wave at us and see if we would give them a high five.

...Yeah, okay, I'm gonna go cry for a long time...