Do you ever find yourself struggling with wanting more? How do you know if it's discontentment, or just the urge to move forward? How do you know which way to go? How do you know if you SHOULD go anywhere? Lately I've been praying alot, but it seems like the more I pray for direction, the more lost I seem. I feel like I'm playing hide and seek with God's will. Why doesn't He just tell me what to do? Should I do this, or should I do that? I would leave it up to my parents, but their just as stumped as I am. I've searched the bible for answers, but I'm not getting anything out of it. Why isn't it speaking to me like it usually does?? I long for direction!! What's particularly bad, is the fact that the only job I really feel a passion for, is a volunteer position. Should I just throw my hands in the air and pick a job based on financial reasons? Stuck in an office for the rest of my life does NOT sound tempting. The check is the ONLY thing that would make me consider it. ...Especially now.

But would I best serve my family helping to bring in some money, or here at home cooking the meals and giving kids their baths? I've ben doing this for as long as I can remember, and look where it's gotten us. Is this because I'm not where God want's me?? Where does He want me? Why won't He tell me??! His word says He gives wisdom to he who asks, why does this not qualify? What is He trying to teach me? I feel so helpless. Adding water to the soup is just plain cheating. We need to put more things IN the soup, and more money to buy the things WITH.

I don't know what to do. It's making me wonder if having a large family was such a wise descision on the part of my parents after all. They always said God would provide, but what if we're being irrisponsible with WHAT He provides? How can we honestly expect Him to just bail us out everytime we hit red?